Update week 4: emotions and muscles
I’ll probably update less frequently going forward, but this week feels like some significant observations. Also, thanks for ideas from @ejain & @QuantifiedBob I’ve gotten a grip strength tester and did measurements with tape. I already blew away my spouse with grip strength but that’s because he’s got the grip strength of a 14-year-old.
Chris probably assumes I’m going to be stronger than him pretty soon, and he might be right. I’ve had some nights/mornings where I’m feeling muscle pain – like I have the flu, or working out. I’ve felt like it’s a lot easier to lift things. And looking in the mirror, my biceps are really clear. (Then I start posing, and then I remember this animated gif.) It feels like cheating, I haven’t worked out at all.
It’s still a lot harder to cry. (Maybe easier at the end of the week when T is low.) My behavior isn’t so dramatic now when upset, but when I record it, I’m clearly unhappy – like I’m “bottling it in”? Recently I almost never feel “good”. I feel slightly anxious all the time. It might just be some recent events got me down, but look at this mood tracking data – it’s pretty striking! I’m wondering if I need to learn how (some) men handle emotions (everyone is different, this is just “me on androgens” not a universal truth) – sorry, this all sounds like I’m making some misandrist joke, but … yeah. I’ve read some (trans)guys recommend exercise.